The loneliness is getting to me. The pit in my stomach can be temporarily filled with Alcohol, movies, games, small hangouts and drugs but the filling always erodes away. Nothing is truly fulfilling and I can’t change it. Of course there’s things I can do physically, but the mental barrier is something no one could understand. I feel controlled by this other force in my head. It hurts so bad. I wish I was different, I wish I could be free of this curse. Whether this is a dramatisation remains to be seen but I can’t help but feel awful when thinking about my situation. Things aren’t really that bad right now, but the loneliness hurts so bad I can’t bare it. I hope officiating and laying out my feelings will call fate or whatever dictates the universe to help me. My work is not impeded by my emotions, but that doesn’t make it hurt. I can push through it, but that doesn’t mean I want to. I can take a beating but a break would be nice.